TIME TO TELL HIM
by JustAnnW
Summary: Kate's POV about the time of "47 Seconds" and "The Limey"; Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

TIME TO TELL HIM

By JustAnnW

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. I'm only taking them out to play with. I will put them back when I'm done, I promise. I do, however, own this story.

Spoilers through 4-20 and some artistic license

Chapter 1: Prelude

When Kate Beckett was a little girl, she was close to both her parents, and thrived in their love and care for her. But in her mind, she learned very early on to compartmentalize Mommy and Daddy. Mommy called her "baby" and Daddy called her "princess." Mommy was for providing food, hugs, playing dolls and dress up, arts and crafts, and kissing boo boos. Daddy was for bedtime stories, piggy back rides, watching TV, going to the movies, pushing her on the swings, going for nature walks, playing board games, and special treats.

When she got a boo boo, she ran to Mommy. If Daddy tried to comfort her, she cried louder until Mommy came and kissed the boo boo away. When Mommy wasn't there, she would run to a corner and have her cry, try to kiss her own boo boos when she could. When Mommy came home, Katie would tell her about the boo boo and she would kiss it.

Her father asked her why she wouldn't let him kiss her boo boos. Little Katie said, "Cuz I'm your princess. Princesses don't get boo boos."

And so it went. Dad was good for many things, but he couldn't fix a boo boo. Only Mom could do that. So as she got older, Kate always went to Mom for anything that hurt. Bumps and bruises gave way to elementary school name calling and fights with friends. By high school, Mom was the go to person for adolescent ailments, particularly boy troubles. She always knew what to say and what to do to make it better.

Then one day Mom was gone. Kate went to her room and cried for days, not knowing how to deal with the loss of the person who made everything better. Dad tried and tried, but there was nothing he could say or do to console her. When Kate re-emerged in the world, it was with the understanding that she just wouldn't get hurt anymore. Nothing could touch her, so nothing would hurt her.

During her recovery from being shot, Kate went to her father's cabin. She made it clear she didn't want anyone around. Not Josh, not her friends. Dad changed her bandages and made sure she ate. She took her to her doctor's appointments and for walks in the woods. But he couldn't heal her inner pain.

They whiled away the hours with movies, puzzles, games, and reading. But they rarely really talked, except once.

"How did you know, Dad?" Kate asked one night after dinner. It was early September and she was feeling pretty much back to normal.

"Know what, Katie?" has responded, surprised and pleased by her desire to talk.

"How did you know Mom was the one?"

"She made the absolute best chocolate brownies!"

"Seriously, Dad!"

He sighed heavily and fixated on the picture of Johanna Beckett on the mantle. Kate watched in awe as her father's eyes glowed, reflecting on the memory of his true love. "Your mother was my best friend. We had known each other a long time before I finally got up the nerve to tell her how I really felt. We liked a lot of the same things, and had a lot of fun together. She got me, you know? She understood my sense of humor. We could talk about anything. It got to the point where we got so we could finish each other's sentences, we were so in sync. I loved her fire and her passion. She was so sure of herself and what she wanted to do with her life. Your mother could always make me feel better, no matter what. When my life was uncertain and confusing, she made everything clear. It was as though she knew all the mysteries of the universe. And the first time I kissed her, it was like we weren't Jim and Johanna any more. We were one soul. We just fit together so perfectly. And I just knew we could handle anything as long as we were together."

The next day, Kate decided she'd done enough hiding. She needed to figure out if what she had was real.


	2. Chapter 2

TIME TO TELL HIM

By JustAnnW

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. I'm only taking them out to play with. I will put them back when I'm done, I promise. I do, however, own this story.

Spoilers through 4-20 and some artistic license

Chapter 2: Time to Think

"And their future, and all their plans are just gone in a flash," Castle lamented.

"It makes you think of all the things in your own life that you don't want to put off any more." – Kate (Like being with someone, like having a life!)

Detective Kate Beckett mused to author/partner Richard Castle in the aftermath of the Boylan Plaza bombing. Her profound words hovered heavily over the room as she caught his somber gaze. Kate knew it was about time for her to stop procrastinating and tell him how she feels. Goodness knows she's had enough time to think about it.

After she was shot last May, Kate had a lot of time to think. She'd thought about what Rick had said when she was shot. She had thought about their partnership. She'd wondered what it would be like to be closer to him. She'd thought about her life, her focus on justice, and her commitment to solving her mother's murder.

She thought about her mother and the times they'd spent together when she was a teenager – the shopping trips, the lunches, the chic flicks, the fun times and the important talks, first about boys, later about guys, about what Kate wanted for her future, her mother's dreams of grandchildren. Her mother was an endless fountain of advice. The woman knew everything! But she never made her words of wisdom sound like preaching or expectations. It was like she was sharing secrets along with a hot fudge sundae or warm apple pie, or a bowl of popcorn while watching _Pride and Prejudice_.

So many of the lessons her mother taught her were part of Kate's everyday life. Her mother was so much a part of her. Would she want Kate to spend her whole life trying to solve her murder, even if it meant sacrificing her own chance of being happy or putting her life in danger? Her mother would want Kate to be happy with her above all else.

Kate thought about what happiness meant to her mother. It meant helping others find justice, true, but more importantly it meant being with her family. Family vacations, camping and trips to the shore, days at an amusement park, gardening, bike rides, swimming, ice skating, arts and crafts, family meals, movies and plays, comedies and political satire, and helping with homework. Basically, spending time with Kate, helping her grow, maintaining a good relationship through Kate's teenage years, helping her plan her future. Johanna Beckett's greatest happiness was sharing a life with her family. Kate knew that's what her mother wanted for her as well. She hoped Kate would find love and have a family of her own.

As Kate's body healed, she had nothing but time to think, really think about where she was in her life, the events that led up to her being shot, and what she wanted out of life now that she had a second chance. Finding justice was important, but not as important as finding happiness.

Josh was a great, caring guy. And she loved him. But she wasn't in love with him. It was nice, they had fun, but that was all.

Kate had thought that she could not let herself be fully committed to a relationship because she believed she had to find her mother's killer first. Nothing else could take more importance in her life. That's what she told herself. That's what she told Josh. That's what she told Castle. But she was wrong.

That was because she had never really been in love before. Not really.

Castle's love had not introduced itself as a charming man in a hot body and a firm handshake, like Josh or Demming. It crept under her skin. It needled at her, gnawed at her brain and her heart when she wasn't looking. She warmed up to him slowly, each degree planting a seed, each caring moment spreading root inside her despite herself. The cocky persona Rick Castle shared with the world only irked her; but the kinder, gentler, side of him, which he reserved for his family and close friends, grew into her until she could no longer deny it. He went from being an irritant, to an occasional laugh, to a brief thought, to a curiosity, to a welcome site, to a comfort, and finally, finally a want and need.

By the time they had faced death a few times, Kate realized that if it was indeed her last moments of life, she was glad she was spending them with Castle. He made her feel warm and safe inside, even when he could tangibly supply neither.

It took time for her to realize the difference between her feelings for him and what she had felt about each man she'd dated. It took time for her to understand that THIS is what everyone is singing about. THIS is what her mother wanted for her. THIS is what she was missing in her life.

One day Kate realized how much she loved his voice. Castle could be explaining some ridiculous theory, and she could be lulled into a stupor. Every time he looked at her and said, simply, "always" it created a cozy cocoon she wanted to crawl into. In his eyes she saw a light that seemed to be shining just for her. In his touch she felt a desire to melt into him. A normal day is a normal day, but when she sees him, it makes the day special, even if she has seen him every day for a month, and they are talking about a tragedy or a killer. Even in the bleakest moments, facing the worst humanity can do to itself, she feels better because he is there. At last Kate knew she is in love with Rick Castle.


	3. Chapter 3

TIME TO TELL HIM

By JustAnnW

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. I'm only taking them out to play with. I will put them back when I'm done, I promise. I do, however, own this story.

Spoilers through 4-20 and some artistic license

Chapter 3: Time to Speak Out

"_And their future, and all their plans are just gone in a flash," Castle lamented. _

"_It makes you think of all the things in your own life that you don't want to put off any more." – Kate (Like being with someone, like having a life!)_

They were in the middle of working the Boylan Plaza bomb case. The renewed awareness of life's uncertainty was the catalyst Kate needed. She had known for a while now how Rick felt about her. All she had to do was say the words, let him know she loves him, too, and they could be together. She was trying to find the right moment, when it seemed he had found it for her.

It was the morning after the bombing, and Kate was pouring over witness statements, the tragedy of it all tainting her mood, when he comes in with her favorite coffee. As always, his presence makes her feel better.

"I've been thinking, about the victims and all the opportunities they'll never have," Castle began. His voice was serious yet tender. Kate hangs on his every word, feeling the tension and excitement grow with anticipation. "And I don't want that to happen. I've been …" he began. Ryan interrupted with news about the case, and Castle assured her that it can wait until after the case. He smiles and Kate smiles back. Kate made up her mind that when the case was over, and they continued their discussion, she would tell him.

Over the next 24 hours, when Kate wasn't focusing on the case, she thought of Castle. After she interviewed a suspect, she found Castle had been there and left her coffee, but he'd left again. Esposito told her that Castle said he had somewhere he needed to be. When he returned, he seemed distant and angry.

When the case was over, Kate suggested the gang go out for a drink. However, she felt a flutter in her stomach when Ryan and Esposito bowed out and it looked like it would just be the two of them going out together. They could finally have their talk. Kate asked Castle what he wanted to talk about, hoping to renew their conversation. But he just said "Nothing. Nothing important anyway. I'm gonna head home. Night." And with a quick smile, he turned and headed to the elevator so quickly, not even waiting to walk with her. It wasn't like him.

She bid him a quick "Good night," perplexed by his hasty retreat.

"Damn!" she thought to herself. Just when she finally worked up to the point of telling him how she really feels, he suddenly turns cold.

The next several days, Castle's manner continued to be aloof. He didn't bring her coffee, he didn't crack a joke, he didn't flirt, and he didn't talk to her about anything but the case. He didn't go to lunch with her, or spend one minute in the precinct longer than he thought he had to.

Kate was frustrated, confused, and hurt. Just when she felt she was ready to connect with him, he changes. She invited Lanie over for some girl talk.

"I'm telling you, something happened. Something changed. It's been weird between us lately," Kate explains while pouring some wine.

"Lately? Kate, it's been weird for four years!" Lanie replies.

"No, this is different. He's different. It's like he's pulling away."

"Well, can you blame him? He's probably tired of waiting."

"Waiting? Waiting for what?" "What do you think? The guy is crazy about you! And despite your little act you're crazy about him! Oh, what? Was that supposed to be some big secret?"

"Yes!" answered a stunned Kate. How did she know? Maybe I have been obvious, she thought to herself. "No." She paused again. "Do you think he knows?"

Lanie sighed. "You remember how he used to be? Girl on either arm? You really don't see that guy too much anymore. Why do you think that is? He's waiting. For you!"

"Yeah, but Lanie …" she began, but was interrupted.

"I know. You're dealing with stuff. But you cannot ask him to wait forever. Unless you're okay with him pulling away."

Kate wanted to explain how she was about to tell Castle how she feels when he suddenly changed. She decided instead to resort back to all the fears that have kept her from telling him months ago. "What if it doesn't work? What if it ends up like you and Javi?"

Lanie sighed again. "Well, at least we gave it a shot. Now we can move on, give or take the occasional booty call."

"I just, I don't want to lose what we have, you know?"

"Girl, please! What exactly do you have, really?"

"A friendship," declared Kate.

"No. What you and I have is a friendship. What you and he have is a holding pattern. How long can you circle before the fuel runs out?" Lanie asked.

Just then, duty called.

Once at the crime scene, Lanie told her, "Don't think you were saved by the bell, Kate Beckett. As your friend, I'm not gonna let this drop."

"So, what, you think I should tell him how I feel?" asked Kate, nervously.

"Yes! You hunt murderers for a living. You can do this," reassured her friend.

"Okay, okay," she replied, still unsure of herself. She wanted to tell him so badly, but she was terrified. Kate never loved anybody the way she loved Rick Castle. "It's just I have to find the right time."

"No time like the present!" suggested Lanie as they saw Castle's red Ferrari approach the crime scene. However, upon seeing that he was not alone, she replied, "What the … ? On second thought, maybe you should wait a bit. What's that? Ryan's calling. I gotta go."

And she dashed off, leaving Kate to watch in heartbreak as Rick pulled up to the crime scene with a beautiful young blond woman in his car.


	4. Chapter 4

TIME TO TELL HIM

By JustAnnW

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. I'm only taking them out to play with. I will put them back when I'm done, I promise. I do, however, own this story.

Spoilers through 4-20 and some artistic license

A/N: Really appreciated the reviews! Thanks!

Chapter 4: Time to kick and scream and cry and watch _Casablanca_ and eat junk food and ice cream and drink too much.

Kate asked if everything was okay, but Castle just smiled and said, "Never better!"

Castle was glib at the crime scene and again at the station. During the next few days, he was in and out of the station as it suited him, acting as if he really didn't care about the case or shadowing Kate. He had Jacinda meet him at the station it was his personal playground. It was like he had reverted back to that cocky womanizer he was when they had met years ago. He flaunted his relationship with the young blond flight attendant in front of Kate, but he had the nerve to try to cover her eyes when Inspector Hunt dropped his towel. "Jerk!" thought Kate.

Of course, jerk or not, she was in love with him. So three days later, when Castle was still dating Jacinda, explaining she was "fun and uncomplicated," and that's what he needed right now, it only hurt Kate even more. Kate wondered if she's waited too long to get what she needed.

His words, "fun and uncomplicated" hounded her as she made her way home. Kate trudged down the hall to her apartment in a despondent fog. The sound of her door shutting behind in the empty apartment rang out like a death knell. She was affronted by memories of conversations with she had had with Castle at her home, particularly the one last May, right before Montgomery was killed. He had questioned their relationship. "Friends? Is that what we are?" He had brought up the time they almost froze to death in each other's arms, and the time they'd kissed. He had called her out on the fact that she hadn't loved Josh or any other man she'd dated. Looking back on it now, Kate thought, maybe he was trying to tell her something.

Tears welled up in her eyes as her emotions took over. She could feel the heat climbing up her neck and sobs forming in her throat. Kate sat down, and called Lanie. Trying to control her crying long enough to talk, she exclaimed, "He said SHE'S FUN and UNCOMPLICATED!"

"Dumbass! I'll be right there!" said Lanie.

Kate went to her bedroom to change, kicking anything that got in her way. She kicked her bed frame, because she had thought one day Castle would share that bed with her. She threw her pillows across the room. She threw his books into the trash. As she changed out of her work clothes, she threw each article in a different direction. On her dresser was a framed article of the two of them from the New York Times, after one of the many crimes they'd solved together. As partners. The article included a picture of the two of them, his arm around her. She had smiled for the news photographer, but Castle was smiling at her. Kate grabbed it off the dresser, raised it high above her head, and sent it flying across the room as forcefully as she could! It hit her closet door so strongly it left a gash in the wood. Glass shattered everywhere.

"Kate?" called Lanie, who had let herself in. "Kate, be careful! You'll cut yourself! Put down the glass!" Kate was holding a glass of water from her nightstand, arched and ready to fling. She froze when she saw Lanie. She was practically naked and water from the glass she was holding was dripping onto her hair.

"Put down the glass, Kate," instructed her friend. She slowly did as told. She sat on her bed, head in her hands.

"Oh, god, Lanie. I don't know what got into me." She surveyed her room. It was a disaster. "I haven't had a tantrum since I was a little girl and my dog, Scruffy, ran away." She tried to laugh. Lanie handed her a tissue. She wiped her tears and blew her nose. "I miss that dog," she mumbled. "I miss him so much."

Lanie wasn't sure if Kate was referring to Scruffy or Castle, but either way, she needed to get things cleaned up. She handed Kate some clothes. "Get dressed. I'll clean up the glass. You don't have shoes on." This was true. The dress shoes she wore to work were at two opposite corners of the room.

"Thank you," said Kate humbly. She pulled on an NYPD oversized tee shirt and some sweat pants. While she went to get the broom and dust pan from the hall closet, Lanie found the newspaper article and slipped it in Kate's top dresser drawer. She knew Kate didn't really want to get rid of it.

Once her bedroom was somewhat back to normal, Kate and Lanie sat in the living room. They ate junk food and drank beer while Kate rambled. She told Lanie about all the special moments she'd shared with Castle over the years, things that she had felt were too personal to share before.

"And now he's screwing that blond HO! But she didn't look like a ho. She just looked goddamn _fun and uncomplicated_! What's the matter with me? Why doesn't he love me?"

"He does love you, but he's a dumbass!"

"But he's not a dumbass! He's smart and sweet and funny and caring and sexy as hell. And ohmygod can he kiss! I could just melt into his arms and stay there forever."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, it was like the entire world stopped. He made my knees go weak! For a minute I forgot why we were doing it!"

"And why were you doing it, exactly?" asked Lanie, annoyed that this was the first she'd heard of it.

"To distract the guard so we could get into that warehouse where they were holding Ryan and Espo."

"You never told me about that!" smacked Lanie.

"There's a lot of stuff I never told you! Like the time we spent together in LA. I almost slept with him, Lanie! I was with Josh at the time, but I almost slept with Castle. He told me I was a mystery he was never going to solve, and then our eyes met, and I wanted him so badly it scared me!" Kate's eyes, which were still wet from crying on and off all evening, sparkled as she recounted the memory. "He's so cute and hot and he's always there for me when I need him."

"Until now!"snapped Lanie!

"I thought that after everything we've been through together that he'd love me forever. He used to smile and say 'Always' like I was the only woman in the world. Why is he with her?"

"I told you dear, he's a dumbass. He couldn't keep it in his pants any longer."

"He's not a dumbass!"

"Okay, then. He's being a dumbass!"

"But I wanted him to not keep it in his pants any longer _with me._" She was really drunk by then.

When they'd killed the six pack Lanie brought over, Kate got out her good Scotch. "To Dumbass!" She toasted. Lanie begrudgingly repeated it after her. "I love him so much," Kate sighed. She grabbed a pint of Cookies and Cream Ice cream, explaining to her friend that it complimented the alcohol very well. Lanie knew this was not the time to judge her friend's sense of taste.

"But you know, maybe, just maybe, he isn't with you right now because he doesn't know how you feel? Did you ever tell him?"

"No! I tried! We were supposed to have this deep, meaningful conversation after we finished the bomb case. But that's right when he changed! He just blew me off, then went to Vegas and met her!" Kate screamed in anguish.

"Girl, you've got to tell him how you feel!" Lanie insisted.

"But he's with Jan or Cindy or Marcia or whatever her name is! He doesn't care anymore!"

"He does care about you! He thinks you don't care about him!"

"But you knew I'm in love with him before I even told you! Do Ryan and Espo know I love him?"

"Yes, dear, they know."

"Does Gates know?"

"I think so, yes, Kate. I'm pretty sure she knows."

"Then how come he doesn't know I'm in love with him?" whined Kate.

"Because he's a Dumbass! You have to tell him!"

"But I'm scared!"

"What are you more scared of, telling him or losing him?"

"Oh, god, losing him. I have lost him. He's with Jalessa! She's got my man! My writer boy. I'm a one writer girl, so he needs to be a one girl writer."

"Tell him, girl! I know what you need." Lanie pulled out her cell phone and looked for a song. She put the phone down, hit play, and held a beer like a microphone. Lanie lip synced to the song.

_I know something about love_

_You gotta want it bad_

_If that guy's got into your blood_

_Go out and get him_

_If you want him to be _

_The very part of you_

_Make you want to breathe_

_Here's the thing to do_

_Tell him that you're never gonna leave him_

_Tell him that you're always gonna love him_

_Tell him Tell him Tell him Tell him right now_

_I know something about love_

_You gotta show it_

_And make him feel the moon up above_

_Go out and get him_

_If you want him to be always by your side_

_If you want him to _

_Only think of you_

_Tell him that you're never gonna leave him_

_Tell him that you're always gonna love him_

_Tell him Tell him Tell him Tell him right now_

_Ever since the world began_

_It's been that way for man_

_And woman were created_

_If love's their destiny_

_Then why should true love be_

_So complicated Oh yeah_

_I know something about love_

_You gotta make it_

_And show him what the world is made of_

_One kiss will prove it_

_If you want him to be _

_Always by your side_

_Take his hand tonight_

_Swallow your foolish pride_

_Tell him that you're never gonna leave him_

_Tell him that you're always gonna love him_

_Tell him Tell him Tell him Tell him right now_

_Tell him that you're never gonna leave him_

_Tell him that you're always gonna love him_

_Tell him Tell him Tell him Tell him right now_

_Tell him that you're never gonna leave him_

_Tell him that you're always gonna love him_

_Tell him Tell him Tell him Tell him right now_

_Tell him that you're never gonna leave him_

_Tell him that you're always gonna love him_

_Tell him Tell him Tell him Tell him right now_

Kate was laughing so hard at Lanie she nearly peed her pants.

Lanie pulled Kate off the floor and handed her a "mike" and they played the song again, this time both of them were lip syncing.

They fell to the floor laughing, which was so much better than Kate crying.

"Come on girl, we better settle down before they call the police on us."

"But I am the police!"

"Maybe they'll call you about you."

They watched Casablanca. "But she gets on the plane anyway! She gets on the goddamn plane! What's the matter with her?" Kate complained at the end.

"She's a dumbass!"

"She just gets on a plane and leaves her true love behind. Leaving on a jet plane, don't know if I'll be back again, Leaving on a jet plane. That's Castle, leavin on a jet plane."

"Castle's not going anywhere!"

"Yes he is! He's gonna fly away with Joleeta! He's Peter Pan and he'll fly away to Neverland and I'll never see him again!"

"Oh, Kate, come on now! Although Castle is acting a lot like a little boy right now!"

"Lanie, what am I gonna do?"

"You are gonna drink lots of water. Then you're gonna got to sleep, and tomorrow you're gonna tell that dumbass how you really feel and stop all this nonsense!"

A/N: I would love to know what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

TIME TO TELL HIM

By JustAnnW

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. I'm only taking them out to play with. I will put them back when I'm done, I promise. I do, however, own this story.

Spoilers through 4-20 and some artistic license

A/N: I really appreciate all the interest and feedback I've gotten on this story!

Chapter 5: Time for action!

The next morning, at precisely 6 am, Kate's alarm clock blared into action with a cheerful "You're listening to WKRP! We have a special request this morning for Kate! An oldie but a goodie!"

_I know something about love_

_You gotta want it bad_

_If that guy's got into your blood_

_Go out and get him_

_If you want him to be _

_The very part of you_

_Make you want to breathe_

_Here's the thing to do_

_Tell him that you're never gonna leave him_

_Tell him that you're always gonna love him_

_Tell him Tell him Tell him Tell him right now_

Bam! Kate hit the snooze! "Damn Lanie!" she cursed as she pulled the covers over her head. She was immediately assaulted with memories of last night and a throbbing headache, as well as the sadness of what caused the problem in the first place. The ache of Castle pulling away from her hurt more than her hang over.

Kate slipped back into a dream state where she was at the Old Haunt. Lanie was singing, and she and Rick were dancing. Just as the song ended, they leaned into each other for a kiss. Suddenly Jacinda appeared and took Rick by the arm. He was laughing with Jacinda as they left the restaurant to find a plane just outside, double parked. Kate begged him not to go but Rick just kept laughing with Jacinda as they got in the plane. Once in the air, the plane vanished, but she could see Rick and Jacinda flying through the air holding hands, and they disappeared above the New York sky line.

_I know something about love_

_You gotta want it bad_

_If that guy's got into your blood_

_Go out and get him_

_If you want him to be _

_The very part of you_

_Make you want to breathe_

_Here's the thing to do_

_Tell him that you're never gonna leave him_

_Tell him that you're always gonna love him_

_Tell him Tell him Tell him Tell him right now_

Kate was jolted once again from her sleep. She glared at the clock, but found it silent. This time, it was her phone. Lanie had changed her ring tone! Checking the caller I.D., she found it was indeed Dr. Parish.

"What?" she yelled into the phone.

"Didn't you hear the radio this morning? I thought for sure you'd be chewing me out by 6:02!" joked her friend.

"Very funny!" Kate snapped.

"Girl, you know I'm right! You gotta tell him. And I'm pretty sure you'll like what he says back!" chimed Lanie.

"God, Lanie I don't know. I can't think about this right now. My head is killing me and I think I'm gonna be sick!"

"Take the day off. Get some rest. Then pull yourself together and go see Castle," Lanie advised.

"No, I can't. I've got too much paperwork." Kate hated that she was so responsible when she really just wanted to crawl under her covers and forget the world. "Bye, Lanie."

"Bye, Chica."

Kate set cell down and pulled the covers back over her head.

30 seconds later her alarm clock reminded her that her snooze was over. Another love song poured through the speaker. Kate let out a primal scream!

Normally Kate bounded out of bed and got ready for work so that she could be at the station at 7 am, even though she wasn't required to be there until 9 am. But today, she dawdled. She took something for her pounding head, stayed in bed until she felt better, had a long shower, ate a light breakfast, and then took extra care in choosing her outfit.

Slowly, her normal confidence and determination returned to her. She headed out the door with a positive outlook (and a few butterflies in her stomach.) Kate began thinking about having a serious talk with Castle. Today!

By the afternoon, Castle still had not come by the station. This wasn't that unusual because he had to know it was a paperwork day. Still, Kate called him twice, both times they went to voicemail. She tried not to imagine him ignoring her calls because he was in bed with Jacinda.

Kate jumped whenever her phone rang. This earned some strange looks from her colleagues, especially since it rang,

_I know something about love_

_You gotta want it bad_

_If that guy's got into your blood_

_Go out and get him_

_If you want him to be _

_The very part of you_

_Make you want to breathe_

_Here's the thing to do_

_Tell him that you're never gonna leave him_

_Tell him that you're always gonna love him_

_Tell him Tell him Tell him Tell him right now_

"Hey, boss! Everything okay?" asked Ryan. He and Esposito had suddenly appeared at Kate's desk.

"Everything's fine. Why?"

"What's with the sudden interest in Motown?" asked Esposito, fighting a snicker.

Kate rolled her eyes. "It's Lanie's idea of a joke. I'll reset it later."

"Have you seen Castle? He was gonna give us tickets to the comic book show." Ryan said, awfully enthusiastically for someone his age.

"Really guys? Aren't you two a bit old for comic books?" scolded Kate, who would never admit to them that one of her most prized possessions, was a Spiderman first edition.

"Yeah, well, I have to take Jenny's little step brother." Ryan explained, not looking at her.

"Yeah, and I promised to take my sister's kids," added Esposito.

"I don't know guys. I haven't heard from him today." Shrugged Kate, trying not to show how disappointed she actually was.

"Looking for me?" called out the chipper voice of Richard Castle as he strolled over to Kate Beckett's desk, a coffee in each hand.

Ryan and Esposito couldn't help noticing the way Beckett's face lit up at the sudden appearance of the writer. Trying not to seem too excited, she redirected his attention to her team so she could get herself together. For some reason her heart was in her throat. "Uh … the guys were asking about some comics thing."

Esposito gestured that Ryan and Castle go talk in the break room. Kate tried to return to her paperwork, but kept glancing up at the break room window, wondering what the guys were _really_ talking about, wondering when he was going to come back over to talk to her, and wondering how in the hell she was going to say what she wanted to say. Nervously, she primped her hair and popped a breath mint. "Relax," she told herself. "You've known him for four years. You've talked to him a thousand times. Today shouldn't be any different."

She read the same form 3 times and still had no idea what it said. At last, she heard his voice. (Oh, God! That voice!) "Good afternoon, Detective Beckett." He smiled warmly at her, and she felt tingle shoot through her body.

"Hey, Castle, it's good to see you," she managed to say without jumping out of her skin.

"It's always a pleasure to see you, Detective." He paused. "I just stopped by to tell you I won't be back for a while."

"Oh," Kate's heart sank. He's slipping away!

He waited for her to say something, but when she didn't he continued. "I'm going out of town."

Kate's mind jumped to the worst possible scenario. "Going away with _Jacinda_?" (She fumed!)

"No, she's gone back to work," Rick explained nonchalantly. "I'm going away with some else."

"Another woman! God, Castle, you really get around!"

"What can I say?" Rick flashed charm smile once again, then chucked. "I'm taking Alexis on vacation for her spring break!"

"Oh," Kate nodded, hoping the relief she felt wasn't evident in her voice. "Do you want to go to Remy's and grab some dinner?"

"No, thank you. Good bye, Detective Beckett." He had to same detached tone he had the night after they solved the bomb case. However, his actions were different. Castle seemed to gaze into her eyes as if he'd never see her again. He gave her another brief smile and turned on heel toward the elevator.

Kate watched him walk away, stunned and hurt. That sounded so final, she thought. She grabbed her bag and ran after him. "Castle!"

She got there just as the elevator doors were closing. She stuck her foot in the doors. "NO!"

Rick, surprised, pushed the open door button.

"NO! You're not just going to walk out of my life! I won't let you!" yelled Kate.

"You can't tell me what to do!" Rick yelled back.

"Will you tell me what's wrong?" she pleaded.

"Nothing's wrong!" he quibbled.

"Something is wrong with us, with you! You're so distant now!" Kate had lowered her voice and tried to control her tone.

The elevator was almost at street level. "I don't want to do this now!" Rick replied briskly.

She slammed the emergency stop button on the elevator! "Yes, NOW! Tell me what's wrong!"

Rick sighed. "Detective Beckett." He sighed again. "Kate, I tried not to do this. I didn't want to make a scene or embarrass either of us. I was going to go away quietly."

Tears formed in her eyes. "Rick, why are you leaving? What did I do?"

Rick breathed in and out very slowly, and ran his fingers through his hair. "What did you do? You didn't do anything. These years that we've been working together, I've felt so close to you. I felt something for you I've never felt for any other woman, not Gina, not Meredith, and definitely not Jacinda! I'm so in awe of you. You are so amazing and extraordinary and special. And hot. It's like there's the rest of the world, and then there's Kate: Beautiful, smart, funny, kick ass Kate."

Kate's jaw dropped. This was not what she had expected. He continued. "I've felt a connection between us. And, at times, I thought you felt it, too. I've tried so hard to prove to you that I could be good enough for you. To let you know I'd always be there for you. You've shown me what true love is. You've shown me magic. It took you practically dying in my arms for me to tell you how I feel about you. Of course, you really weren't able to focus on what I was saying."

"I was in excruciating pain, Rick!" she interjected.

He continued. "You said you didn't remember anything about the shooting, and that you wanted time alone. So I gave you time. Time to recover. Time to work through your issues about your mother. And all this time I thought you weren't ready for a relationship, and you didn't know how I feel. But you lied! You've known how I feel for 7 months, and you didn't say anything." He paused to look her in the eyes. "Obviously, you don't share my feelings. I've been a fool hanging around here waiting for you, believing one day we'd be together. I was wrong. I need to move on."

Kate had listened quietly as Rick explained. Her heart broke for him as she began to understand the situation from his point of view. She took his hands in hers. "Oh, Rick, no, no, don't leave!"

"I don't need to do any more research, Kate. And I can't just stay here playing cop with you anymore. I tried, but being around you hurts too much." Rick turned away to hide his tears.

Kate was overwhelmed. She never intended to hurt him. How could he not see that she's crazy about him? "Rick, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for not telling you this before. Of course I heard you tell me you love me, but I was shocked and scared. In my mind I said it back, which confused me even more. I needed time to think. And I did – all those months in my dad's cabin. Anyway, even when I came back to work, I knew I had to work through some issues with before I was ready to let someone, to let YOU into my life. And I needed to make sure of my feelings for you. Because I knew that it was you, IS YOU, I want to have that relationship with. And in little moments here and there, over the last 7 months, I realized how much my life is better because you're in it. You make me think differently. You make me laugh. You make me realize there's a world out there that's more than just violence and crime. People have lives. I want a life, Rick. I want a life with you. I love you, Rick!" Kate cried.

Rick wrapped his arms around her. "Please don't leave me, Rick!" she pleaded, her tears dampening his shirt. He stroked her hair. "Shh, Kate, it's okay. I won't leave. I love you, Kate. I love you so much." He kissed the top of her head.

Kate Beckett looked up through tear strained eyes at the man holding her. Rick gently wiped a tear from her cheek, and grinned. His lips found hers in a tender kiss.


End file.
